Washington, DC - Shaun Dakin, CEO The National Political Do Not Contact Registry - Sign up for free at StopPoliticalCalls.org
We all should do this. I've done this. Simply press "1" to talk to a live person. Once you are on the line have as much fun with the telemarketer as you can so that you waste their time.
I did this last week with a credit card interest rate reduction robo call. I stayed on the line and talked to the rep about how much I needed to reduce my debt. When he asked what my balance was I said "1 million".
He hung up.
Gene Weingarten of the Washington Post is a master at the telemarketing smackdown.
WASHINGTON -- I do not like robo-calls, especially a certain highly
manipulative one I've been getting a lot lately. The last time, I was
ready.
Voice: Don't be alarmed, but this is your final
offer for lower interest rates on your current account! This offer
expires today! Press "1" to be connected to a live agent.
(1)
Woman: This is account services.
Me: Hi. I would like a lower interest rate on my current account!
Woman: OK. First I need to get some personal information.
Me: OK.
Woman: What is your name?
Me: Osvaldo Maestrono!pop'olaiekiu.
Woman: OK, that's M-a- ... ?
Me: M-a, then an "e" with an umlaut, then ...
Woman: I'm sorry?
Me: An umlaut. Those two little dots that make
German words sound really scary. Like, if you wrote "Santa Claus" with
umlauts over the a's, he would sound like the patron saint of little
Nazi children.
Woman: OK, so, M-a, then ...
Me: You can forget the dots. Just put an "e."
Woman: OK.
Me: M-a-e-s-t-r-o-en-yay
Woman: Excuse me?
Me: En-yay. A tilde. It is that squiggly thing
above the "n." It's Hispanic in origin but sounds like "nyih," like my
Yiddish-speaking grandma, complaining. She did that a lot. She was
about 4-foot-11 and 250 pounds and wore shiny housecoats. She looked
like a Hershey's Kiss. En-yay.
Woman: Can I do that just with an "n"?
Me: OK. So, M-a-e-s-t-r-o-n, then an "o," then an exclamation point, then ...
Woman: I'm sorry?
Me: Exclamation point. It's an alveolar click. It
is common to my ancestors from the Hadzabe people of Tanzania. They
live by hunting small antelopes and baboons. The strings on their bows
are made from giraffe tendons.
Woman: What is your Visa or MasterCard number?
Me: I can't read it. I'm blind.
Woman: Oh.
Me: So we need to go by my name.
Woman:
Me: So it's M-a-e-s-t-r-o-n-o-exclamation point-p-o-p-apostrophe ...
Woman:
Me: Do you need to know about the apostrophe?
Woman:
Me: Hello?
Woman: OK.
Me: It's a glottal stop. It signifies a sudden interruption and release, like when you say "uh-oh!"
Woman:
Me: Like when you say, "Uh-oh, I've been wasting my time!"
Woman:
Me: But I want to get lower interest rates on my account!
Woman:
Me: Hello? Hello?
Washington, DC - Shaun Dakin, CEO The National Political Do Not Contact Registry - Sign up for free at StopPoliticalCalls.org